"In the City"
Nathan Shipley
The plaza
across the
street
causes
my back
to ache;
I lean
on the fence
& watch
— the un
housed
guy swinging
his arm
with a back
pack
the movement
of the traffic
like suds
on the surface
of the water
suds intense
shifting worked up
so like froth
but with cars
my mind
filled
with hatred
did we need
another
coffee shop
w plants —
I can’t stay
I don’t live here
San Luis Obispo
I’m gone
walker st
archer st: new “development”
take south then
tank farm
let’s put a
building there, too,
why not,
even my poetry,
it’s turning
into a freeway
I have lanes, I said
lanes,
which exit,
patriot
you might’ve
said something
about
your country
Did you know
no one wants to come here
think hard
America for sure
has us
lane lane
lane poem
lane
I reject it
I tear it up
like a book
– you think I
’m just going
to buy something,
do you, well, maybe
that summer
I wanted to make flyers
with my friend
who lived at the summit
it didn’t matter
Maci said Gen was
breaking up
with her girlfriend
and then she got sick
meanwhile
there was a party
you weren’t invited to
I just wanted to draw
now the no flyer’s
outside
next to the dresser and
the coffee table
and it’s still not done
not mad
just “sick”
so what
I wasn’t gonna say anything
their roommate Ty never asked my band
to open for his band
come on, Ty, a SLO noise rock band
I came upon some
old rolled up
carpet
& took a picture
that’s everything
I can write
on it
I can share the
carpet
“that’s what I saw today”
dirty roll of carpet
getting its picture
taken on the sidewalk
I took the city’s
picture today
not like a tree—
not aesthetic
I want to be more negative
in the way a gun
generally, the carpet is language—
all that moisture & colliding
I’m on some Hannah Beerman shit
& the picture turns out all grainy
that’s good
In the city I listened to
The Parable by Red Crayola
and thought This is it!
And, freaking out,
oh god
laned cement dream
public zooming fumes
of noise, and facades,
white, filed on my walk
it’s like a hall;
the block
ing and
honking
the paving—
I had wanted
only to be
near a fountain
or something
and started to blather
the sprawling
and spilling
of airs,
of distances
of airs
they go to work
on me. they
do their thing.
I am Frank O’Hara
nude
mangled
christ
figure
on my shelf
I am Frank O’Hara
and his death
I am under the
tires, my lips split
open, anti-social
like a character
-istic
I’m 23
I’m dead
yet walk around
I think
I will go with ‘they’
from now on
(the whole map
of speech)
sometimes I feel in
side myself like a
bag and am into it
I am alone
it’s just me
emphasis on the ‘non’
the part of me
in my room
is trans I’m starting over
I will
change my name,
I think
Nathan is my
dead name
it’s just NA,
actually
the neutral
of the original
like Frank
but a protest
I will crawl
over his body
which is also
my body,
triumphant
and creative
my bloody
limbs’ll
cultivate
new love
it’s ‘they’
but like an
orphan
I started
The Castle
by Kafka
but I did
not finish it
in my room
I put on a
movie
& fell asleep
my dream was
of the queer
poet
whom I
chased
thru the city
each page
was another
gender
or each
page was an era
such weight
lessness—
the historical
district
untouched
like that
Come back.
No.
A candle flickering—
would a candle on a
shelf make you happy,
yes, at least, it’s pleas
ing me, at least,
it’s in one place
We are so nostalgic,
probably due to grief
well, the air
won’t be air
for much longer
so we better
take a good look
I’ll be actually present
when they
cancel
their plans
until then
I’ll keep on being
bored and dead
the light
pouring in
and covered
wall to wall
in prints,
Jane Freilicher,
book pile,
songs poster
A family
that’s what I want.
And I have to look for
it. Oh, I am:
this is me
looking
for my family
I cannot
escape
my century
I write to you
I embrace you
Two songs
Noel
editor's note: Noel, who also performs as Yellow Masters Blue, makes industrial-tinged drone music, which I don't hear in SLO's alternative music scene or whatever you want to call it. Leaning into an act of musique concrete, these two tracks "Head Canon" and "Rimbeaus Boat" are songs that haunt. Composed of looped field recordings and dissonant guitar passages, Noel weaves together a soundtrack for the city's coldest days. These are sounds as materials.
"It's All Dirt"
Interview with Eli Leclair
editor's note: Eli Leclair has moved into a house on Pismo St. This interview took place in the attic where they have begun setting up their bedroom. Entering it I saw plastic Target bags, boxes and wires, their work, some art—a good, warm sprawl. This room was unstable which I loved. They already owned this floor. It was their world and they just let me in. That’s Eli, open and terrific like some sound.
Unlike other drag artists I’ve seen, Eli actually moves me with their performances. In a kind of clown get-up, they move frantically across the stage and it’s something like agony in their movements—I see them reaching. They’re doing acts in a way that’s raw and really theirs.
During our talk Eli drank an iced White Lightning with oat milk from Naughty Bean, while their dog Moo—part pit bull, part bull dog—sat between us and succeeded multiple times in dividing our attention. We went right into it.
Nathan Shipley
In drag you go by Dirt…
Eli Leclair
What I wanted for my drag name was something a little unconventional. I think it's fun to have a pun name, in traditional drag style—Anna Bortion, et cetera—but I'm not very original with stuff like that and I feel like that wouldn't have really encapsulated me as a performer. I'm more interested in “alternative” drag, so I wanted an alternative name. I tried to think of words that encapsulated my aura, my intentions, and somehow I landed on Dirt. It kind of works out, too, when people are like—Oh, you're Dirt! I'm like, Yeah, because I’m filthy. Like a dirty play on words.
Nathan
Dirt is quite androgynous as a drag persona—hyper-androgynous. What made you think this persona was possible?
Eli
You look up drag performers and you see a lot of the RuPaul drag queens, which are all one style, with lots of money, Whitney Houston lip syncs, things like that. So in my search for drag kings that weren't “established” I got into this other, little section. Specifically I’m into the drag performer Hungry who does this kind of alien, other worldly thing—all-black eye contacts, a face piece, not human. It’s so androgynous, going into the other worldly, the nonhuman. I don't know why I'm drawn towards that. Maybe it's because it feels like people don't recognize me when I'm in something like that. Even with just a clown look, people will say, Oh shit, that's you? It's nice to be able to put on a costume and be seen as just this being. When I’m a drag “king” or “queen,” people already have preconceived notions about you.
Nathan
I’m wondering, then, how this kind of drag gives you an understanding of yourself, your queer self.
Eli
It’s a pretty circular thing. Sometimes I like looking and dressing like a girl, but realize that that is just drag. When I do a “fem” drag look I get the same feeling as when I'm dressing fem and going about my day. Drag’s not really gender affirming for me inside, but it is affirming to be a character and see I'm playing the character well. To find the line where I enjoy femininity and masculinity, on me, in my features, how much of it is what I enjoy as a dramatic thing and how much of it is actually what I enjoy day-to-day. How much represents me. That's why I like androgyny. The longer I've been doing drag, the closer I’ve gotten to that middle point of androgyny. But I can still play around with it. That's the fun part. I get to play around with costumes and make up this little character in my head. It's all Dirt, and each number is a different Dirt.
And that's what I enjoy about other performers. If I notice them doing something in a masculine way that I like, I'm gonna try it the next time I'm walking around and see if people see me as more masculine. I get to explore how everyone around me perceives gender. It’s interesting to see the people’s perception.
Nathan
A two-way mirror sort of experience.
Eli
Yeah, sometimes I get to step through the mirror and be in that world that I’m seeing into, but sometimes I have to step back to the other side… Well, I guess that's not how that works.
Nathan
I don't know.
Eli
I step in and observe and be part of it and then I step back and observe.
Nathan
I imagine this complexity lends to certain pressures when you perform as Dirt—to be brief, perhaps.
Eli
I have to tone it down if I want more tips. The audience isn’t going to tip a performer they think is weird. They're going to tip a performer who is—bootsing the house down, Mama. They’re going to give her a dollar. I love that culture, but that’s not what my performance is about.
Actually I’m facing this dilemma right now. There's a competition in November and the performers that are going—not all of them are AMAB—are the traditional kind, big wigs, hip pads, you know. No shade, but I really don’t know where I fit in. There's already the expectation that I'm going to be a drag king—You're going to do like a masculine thing, right? I’m like, No, I was planning on doing something feminine. I feel like an inconvenience. I don't want to just be the “weird” one, but I also want to go the extra mile.
Friends and I have been talking about hosting more alternative drag shows. I’ve moved into a house with a big backyard—we could have shows here. Make it all alternative. It could open some doors for a lot of things in SLO. I forgot the original question.
Nathan
Expectations…
Eli
Right. I’ve been the stereotypical drag king before, binding my chest, drawing on a mustache, all that stuff—I do enjoy that, it's fun, but people don't take it seriously—That's so silly, you're a girl, but you’re dressed as a boy, et cetera. That's why I've found comfort in the clown thing, because I can make it slightly masculine, slightly feminine, but still have that third “weird” option.
Nathan
I’m noticing something kind of meta here, this “other” who is not only other to themself, but also to the drag world.
Eli
Drag is supposed to be a place where all expectations of gender go away, because—Fuck this, gender is fake, it's all a performance, bla bla bla. But then people still enforce the binary, which is odd, because this is supposed to be a space where there is no other. In trying to not make an other, we’ve created that other.
Nathan
Do you have any optimism about the drag world?
Eli
The more people I talk to, the more people I find who are amped up about this style of drag. I see people who are trying things because they've seen me do it. A friend said they saw me do something with my makeup, so they tried it. That doesn't happen often because I haven't really performed in a while, but when it does, it's awesome. And I think alternative drag as a whole is getting big. It's circling back to that Club Kid scene in the nineties and I love that aesthetic so much. We're getting back to it. I’m confident that it will become more widespread—if not in SLO, then in drag as a whole.
Nathan
What is your desired effect on the average drag show goer?
Eli
A confusion mixed with, like, awe? I don’t want them to really know what’s going on, but to think it’s cool. Confused like not knowing if what I’m doing is drag. There have been performances I've seen where I was like, Wow, she's really good, and then found out she was AFAB. Like—What is that? That’s pretty cool. Welcomed in. I do also enjoy making people laugh, the comedy side of drag. If I can be goofy, get a couple more tips, I'll be goofy.
Nathan
Money has come up a couple of times in this conversation. Sounds like you have almost to sell Dirt if you want to put on a good show.
Eli
That’s just how drag is because of RuPaul. I saw someone post about it, saying that the greater perception of drag’s been ruined, that it’s about buying big expensive pieces, looking like you're about to go into a photo shoot, all polished.
Nathan
Do you see yourself breaking away from that?
Eli
I would like to get to a point where I can make a look out of the things around me—rope and shit—where my mind isn’t set on what is going to make the most tips. But a lot of it is put towards getting established, achieving my idea of Dirt, contacts, face pieces, the basics. I spend money on making the basic look. But it feels like sometimes your worth as a drag artist can only be displayed in your tips, which isn't a good way to think about it, but I catch myself thinking that way. That's anything under capitalism—your worth tied to money.
But I don’t plan Dirt’s future. She’s always developing. She’s a character of exploration, so I feel like if I pin her down, I can't really call her Dirt anymore, because she's done exploring.
Nathan
To what degree do you identify Dirt with this constant metamorphosis?
Eli
To the degree that I can do something weird and not worry about people asking why Eli would do that, making that switch, completely out of Eli and into Dirt, becoming an entirely different person—Dirt is exploring that. More like: Dirt did that. The physical form of Dirt won't stop changing. But once I’ve established the character, then I think I will have fully metamorphosed and I’m done. Maybe I'm being a little too optimistic, thinking that there will be a time when there will be a complete Dirt. But right now I’m just trying to let loose and realize this is just a character. That’s why I enjoy the transformation; people can’t recognize me.
One time after a drag show, I met up with some friends, and we went to McCarthy’s, and I was still in clown drag. So we went to McCarthy's, my friends in normal clothes and me in full fucking drag. I was embarrassed at first, but then I realized, all these people don't recognize me. If I walked in there the next night without makeup, they wouldn’t recognize me. That was freeing. I just had to tune into it and then—boom.
"You and I and All the Plaster Men"
Charlotte Matthews
Charlotte Matthews, "There's probably more to all of this, we'd just need to dig deeper (but we haven't got the time)," 16 x 20 inches, Acrylic on canvas
Charlotte Matthews, "You and I and all the plaster men," 20 x 16 inches, Acrylic on canvas
Charlotte Matthews, "Mid-Range 2005 Personal Computer," Watercolor on canvas
Charlotte Matthews, Untitled, 14 x 14 inches, Acrylic on canvas
"Frugal Flowers"
Chloe Elerding
Nathan Shipley (he, they) is a poet living in San Luis Obispo, CA. His work has appeared in Waxing & Waning and that's it. He is also a member of the band Hoses.
Noel (they) is a poet, artist, and experimental musician based in San Luis Obispo, CA. They upload their music to a Bandcamp profile, which you can find here.
Eli Leclair (they) is a drag performer living in San Luis Obispo, CA, where they perform frequently. They are trying to organize more shows for alternative forms of drag. They also make clothes. You can follow them on Instagram @smeli.dirt.
Charlotte Matthews (she) is a 22-year-old artist based in San Francisco, has had artwork shown in various bedrooms across California (mostly her own). She also writes poetry which you can read here.
Chloe Elerding (she) is a hand poke tattooer, but mainly a musician, based in San Luis Obispo, CA. She is a member of the band Amttrak and has a solo project called Bug House. She put out an EP this Fall which you can listen to here.